#I'm almost convinced i should cancel the lunch with the church lady tomorrow
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#guess i needed a reminder that no one actually finds me attractive#i was feeling so good about myself too#and the guy was so sweet in his messages#but no#he didn't show and hadn't answered or even opened my messages since the scheduled meeting time#of course no one would actually want to see me in person#who did i think i was#a divine being#surely not#I've got to stop encouraging myself#if i stop allowing myself to believe the people who message me maybe i won't get so hurt when they inevitably turn out to be lying#it's not like the universe would ever allow anyone to find me attractive and be respectful towards me#that would just be ridiculous#i know i shouldn't be complaining#horrible things are happening in the world#i just can't stop crying over an asshole that pretended to be sweet and my kind of guy#today was supposed to be a high note to bring me into my birthday and being alone for a week#now i see it's just a standard bad start to what's going to go terribly#I'm almost convinced i should cancel the lunch with the church lady tomorrow#hell knows that won't go well either at this rate#the worst part is i just know that if he messages me with some lame fake excuse I'll just jump at the chance to forgive him#why the hell do i have to feel attraction at all#i liked things better when i thought i was aroace#being greyace sucks#i found someone to be attracted to and he pretended to be attracted to me for no reason#i already told my sibling to ignore this post before i started typing it cause i don't want zir reaction on the internet#anyway#I'll stop taking up space now#fuck
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